I get a lot of flack for never giving “real” updates, and I get a lot of flack for writing posts and not posting them. So here, for all you whingers, and for everyone who heard of my untimely death and didn’t think to call, is an update… that I wrote before and didn’t post.

circa Friday, January 26:

Pay attention now.

The following is the long awaited
update on my life and, as such, won’t be particularly well organized or
easy to follow. Such is my life. Since I’ve only done this sort of
thing once before on xanga, you may want to take note. You probably
won’t get another update for at least a year.

If this is the first you’ve heard of any of it, please don’t take it personally.

The Friday before last I took a shower. (Hang on, it gets significant.) My school plans at the time, were to take all the credits I could at Pasadena
City College winter, spring and summer, then transfer to Gordon College
in the fall. This was one of those things that, like an unfortunate
amount of things in my life, was that way just because it happened that
way. Perhaps that morning in the shower was the first time I’d actually
thought about it.

The year that I would spend at Gordon before graduating was
highly reminiscent of the year I’d spent at Insight and the year I’d
spent at Bethany, both of which I deeply wished hadn’t ended as, and when, they had. I was
loathing the idea of taking 17+ units at PCC in the spring (all except
for getting to take classes with you, Nathan), my consolation in all of
this was getting to spend the semester living with Natalie, but figuring that
out just how to do that was not going well.

So I decided to transfer to Gordon in the spring. The problem was that I’d already differed my application, and although I told you it was morning, it was actually about 3:00 in the afternoon on a Friday, and after business hours on the east coast. Monday was a holiday and, as it turned out, Tuesday was new student check-in.

A family counsel was called. (Yes, we have those.) Options were weighed, opinions were given and – long counsel short –  we decided to ship me out. Worse case scenario, Gordon would ship me right back. This was still Friday.

The decision was officially made Saturday (when my mom made a call to her sister, who made a call to someone at her church, who made a call to some old friend who may at one point have worked in the housing office at Gordon and might still and left a message on their answering  machine to say I was coming).

I packed Sunday. Flew
out Monday. Arrived here Tuesday. Had orientation Wednesday. Started
classes on Thursday. And Friday everything in my entire life, down to
the smallest details of my daily routine and the temperature of the air
outside, was completely different than it had been a week earlier.

Again: such is my life.

Sorry to all of you who didn’t get
your due warning. In my defence, I didn’t really either. I’m settling
in here now. The cold still gets to me but I’ve finally figured out
what a thermostat is for. I’ve at least recovered my appetite after the
combined stress of flying and having to say goodbye to people
thoroughly beat it out of me. I absolutely, definitively, adamantly
and  effervescently hate flying. And that’s almost as much as I hate
goodbyes. Both make me wish I was dead.

I miss: my brothers, stovetop tea, books, not having to pay for laundry,
strangers that say hello, Christine, my bed, normal food, car
privileges, face-to-face interaction, the ability to run to mommy for
help, doors that aren’t locked, walls that aren’t off-white, my dad’s
jokes, being outside
, a community that’s not even nearly like any other anywhere, friends, sanctuary, the pacific

I love: the forests, the train, the possibility of friendships,
the newsroom, getting calls for lunch, having professors I esteem
academically and spiritually, unlimited gym use,

endless possibilities, letters, packages, being a small fish in a big pond, Boston, my classes (mostly), God’s faithfulness, and…  I’ll have to get back to you for the rest.

“She said, I think I need a sunrise…
I’m tired of the sunset.”
All the Stars and Boulevards


9 thoughts on “

  1. At sunrise everything is luminous but not clear. It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us. You can love completely without complete understanding.

  2. Thanks. I’m glad to know it wasn’t me missing all the cues, that you seemed to go flying over so suddenly. That list of things you miss lines up so perfectly with all the reasons I don’t miss being at school. I would not trade, even for being around more people. I do miss New England. Oklahoma’s cool, but…not that cool.

  3. While I would generally feel insulted that I was not specifically mentioned anywhere in this post, I am not, as I assume that I fit under the category of those you had to say goodbye to. And you should be getting a letter any day now, as well as a long awaited phone call.

  4. hey. good to know a little bit of what’s going on in your life now. :) sometimes i think of you and bethany sharing a room across the hall from me, and i miss those random conversations and happenings so close to me. i hope you have a lovely time in boston. how long are you planning to stay? i’m in budapest for another 3 months, and then it’s back to texas for 2 weeks, and then back to bethany for a summer semester. bless you, no hats emily. :)

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